Monday, March 31, 2008
"Where do they find these people? Can't they see/hear my wild children who have passed the breaking point?!? COME ON!" Yeah, I know...not pretty. But true.
There is hope for me though :) This is what I'm learning. I'm not a Theologian, but Biblically, I'm pretty sure that waiting and eagerly anticipating go hand in hand. In my head though...whole other story! In my head I associate "waiting" as a passive word. For years I have said things like, "I'm praying about such and such, and just waiting on the Lord's direction." Sounds fine, right? What I meant when I said that was not fine at all. What I meant was...I've done what I need to do, I'm just waiting for the Lord to catch up. *UGH* (I want to clarify that not everyone who says that phrase means it like that, but I did) Unimaginable that I would say that to God...up until recently I wouldn't have even realized that's what I was meaning...but through this process of personal revival, God is revealing to me ALL KINDS of things that are hard...and not pretty, but WOW! The freedom that comes from actually becoming aware of that sin, and dealing with it is...incredible.
I am now in the process of eagerly anticipating instead of waiting. What God is showing me, is that He views waiting differently than I do. God is never playing "catch-up" to me...He leads. And the waiting, that seemed so desperately boring, is the very thing that's the most important. I always viewed the end result, whatever I anticipated it to be, as the Big Deal...but the Big deal is actually all the steps of growing and maturing along the way... the waiting :)
I am not eloquent enough to think of words to describe how thankful I am for a Savior who never gives up on me, or tires of me, or loses patience with me. Where would I be without Him?!?
Generally, I know what I'm going to blog about, before I even sit down. Granted, sometimes it ends up going in an entirely different direction...but still. Today though....nothing. Guess what nothing means! Randomness...in bullet form.
- I learned how to scan pictures!!! Quite amazing, I know. I scanned the first pre-digital picture I could find...which happened to be from my senior prom. Crack. Me. UP! I was not much into the whole prom thing. This pic is our 4th prom together...I actually wore the same dress my Junior year, and then glued fake rhinestones on the back for my senior year....it was 1996, what can I say. If I could do prom now....I would have much more fun...I'd glam it up this time around :)
- Now that I can run my scanner, there will definitely be future posts of some very unflattering pics of me while I was pregnant. I feel it's my duty to let my preggo friends know what "huge" really looks like :)
- I figured out why my site meter timing was wrong. Apparently, it was my fault...imagine that. I've never been very good at military time, thus the problem.
- I started the book Breaking Free by Beth Moore. I walked into the book store intending to get a different book, and walked out with this one. It's amazing. I may be the only person alive that has not read a single Beth Moore book. So now I am reading Breaking Free and doing the Seeking Him study...are you detecting a theme? God's planning something big, I can just feel it.
- Back to bullet point #2 - wouldn't it be fun to start one of those MEME thingys and have everyone post pics of when they were super hugely preggo!?! If only I knew what a MEME really was, and how to do it....HA!
- Seriously, this has to be my most random post yet...it's Monday, what can I say?!?
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Last night, my family and I watched Evan Almighty (again.) I like the gist of this movie. Every time I watch it, I end up tearing up! I know, I know, it's a comedy...but there are several things that I love about it. One, is that it shows that God can do whatever He chooses. We can either go along with it, or fight it, but He will accomplish it regardless. The other thing I love, is that right up until the very end...Evan (and his family) are looking for the flood to be caused by rain. How often do I assume I know and understand what God's plan is only to be surprised at what His plan really was!
Last night...something else about the movie hit me, for the first time. It was the bathroom shaving scene. (If you haven't seen the movie, it's in the clip above.) You know the one...he keeps shaving and as soon as he's finished it's grown right back in. Well, I heard a still, small voice say..."Sarah, my beloved...this is your beard...don't fight against the Lego's anymore...they will just grow back. Be at peace...someday you will be sad they're no longer everywhere"
I get it...I heard the message. I am going to live in peace with the millions of Legos that live in every room of my house. Fighting it is futile. Oh the lessons I learn from movies...
Friday, March 28, 2008
this wonderful Bible study have in common? PAIN!!!! They have both caused me much pain and suffering this week.
The shoes...kill. After church, I had to wrap my big toes, very meticulously, so that the pain from the rubbing would stop, and yet I could not have it showing through the cute peep toe (that was the cause of the pain in the first place!) A little pain has not stopped me before...I have three children to prove that :) These shoes are certainly worth it...and so far, so are my kids. HA!
The Seeking Him study; *OUCH!* Nancy, (we're on a first name basis, she however, does not know this) has been stepping on my toes and pushing me out of my comfort zone all week long! I was going along, totally agreeing with her, and then I got to pages 12-15 "Making It Personal." Yeah...fun times. Hard "Do I?" questions. I found that I had to answer no or I wish for many of the questions. Revival hurts....but is so necessary and worth it...kinda like the shoes :) Okay, okay, more than the shoes!
On a side note...I'm very honored to be mentioned over at www.allthatnaz.blogspot.com go check her out, and I've been reading her other blog (which you'll find after you go to her site) and it's so wonderfully thought provoking and well written. Makes me think I need to take some online grammar/writing classes! Thank you new bloggy friends!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Given By: Becoming Me
Given By: Our Moments, Our Memories
Given By: Morning By Morning
Given By: My Cup Runneth Over
- struggled to find the balance between hanging on and letting go.
- had a 2 year old that always prayed for his favorite cartoons first, and then his family.
- was happy on the Sundays that her children fell asleep during the sermon, because then she could actually listen.
- wanted desperately for her children to grow up with a love for ministry, rather than resentment.
- despised the term "PK's" for pastors kids. Why the label? Wondered if those same people call other peoples kids "TK- teachers kid" and "AK - accountant's kid" etc. (thankfully, no one in my church does this:)
- had expectations for her children based on God's standards alone...not other peoples standards.
- wished her children wouldn't ring the church bell on days there is no church :) rascals.
- needed constant reminding from her Savior that these boys were His...He would take care of them...and He loves them even more than she does.
- had a 5 year old who wanted to "deliver God's messages." Not a pastor...but a prophet, like Jonah :)
- had a child who wore clean clothes to bed, as pajamas, so that he didn't have to waste time getting dressed in the morning.
- had a moment, as she tucked them into bed, where she was overwhelmed with her children's ability to love and forgive...unconditionally.
- had to apologize for yelling and losing her cool.
- loved them more than life.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Our ladies Bible study has just started this book, Seeking Him- Experiencing the Joy of Personal Revival by Nancy Leigh DeMoss & Tim Grissom. This workbook has been hanging around our house way before we ever started this study. You see, it takes us ladies a quite a while to get through a study :) Lot's of talking and sharing....it's one of the best parts of being together! Each time we near the end of a study I begin the dreaded search process. This usually involves lots of pleading with God for direction, while I'm scouring the Christian Book Store and various other means in hopes of finding the perfect study. In the past, during this process, this Seeking Him book always crossed my path...and I always dismissed it. Oh, I had lots of good reasons...the main one being that I thought it was just "too deep" for where our group was at. Isn't that funny. What God has revealed to me now...is that it was "too deep" for me. I had wanted to believe that it was our group of Ladies that was not ready for it....but God said to my heart, "Sarah, you were not ready to lead it." *ouch* And, He was right.
When Seeking Him crossed my path this time, I was ready! God had begun to work a real revival in my own heart...and now I'm ready. As I look back, it makes me smile to see how God was gently pursuing me...never giving up...knowing that the revival was coming, all the while I was totally oblivious. I am so excited to continue this journey, to see what God has in store. Let me leave you with this quote from the study...love it!
"Revival is not some emotion or worked-up excitement; it is rather an invasion from heaven which brings to man a conscious awareness of God." - Stephen Olford
...invasion from heaven...I'm ready for that!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Can you tell I just learned how to post videos? I know, I know, second one in a row :) I've been racking my brain over my Easter post. How do I write about Easter...about something that isn't just a holiday for me...it's about my Savior, my best friend...how do I put that into words? Truth is...I can't. The Bible does it for me...and most know the Easter story. May this Easter be less about knowing the story and so much more about really, truly, knowing who Jesus is, and standing in awe of a God that loved me so much, he endured the cross, so that I would not have to. His sin did not put Him there....mine did. Why me?!? Why us?!? Why does He love us SO much? I have no idea! But I do know, that whenever I start to feel as though my life is insignificant, I'm reminded of all that He chose to do for me...because He loves me...and I am His.
The song above is one of my all time favorites. It sums it all up. And...if you cry like a baby through it, please know you're in good company :)
Friday, March 21, 2008
When my alarm went off at 5:45 this morning, I was not a happy camper. You should probably feel sorry for my running partner...God bless her for putting up with me that early in the morning! It's been a long week. No major catastrophes...but lots of those tiny little irritations that just keep building and building until I feel like I just can't take anymore. The dogs incessant need to bark at everything this week, the phrase "mom, can I have something to eat?" uttered a bazillion times a day, two trips to the dentist, constant fighting and bickering amongst brothers, battling the will of a 2 year old, who topped it all off last night when we found he had eaten most of a corn dog...frozen! WHY!?! Anybody know what I'm talking about?
So, as I sat down at the computer, trying to think about what to say...I knew I needed to open up my Bible first. So...I flipped it open and guess where God sent me? Psalms 119:25-38. The ones that really jumped out at me were, v25 "I am completely discouraged - I lie in the dust. Revive me by your Word." v37 "Turn me away from wanting any other plan than yours. Revive my heart toward you" *big sigh* As I read those words, I knew that in my heart that was how I was feeling...I just couldn't put my finger on it until I read them. I need Him to revive me...again...I'm in constant need of it.
Then, I popped in my earphones and cranked up my lovable Sansa....and the song (above) by Newsboys came on...and it was perfect. I dunno...I dunno why my 2 year old thinks eating a frozen corn dog is delicious, I dunno. But, I do know, that His love really is better than life! :)
Thursday, March 20, 2008
I've decided to try something new...and make Thursdays my "Do you think the other pastor's wives that lived in this parsonage..." game. If you've never heard of this wonderfully amusing game I play click here for more details. Again...I should warn you, that this is generally much more amusing to me than those around me...and if it bores you, please go visit Beth and let her know :) It was her sweet comment that has opened the flood gates. She wondered if I had more...oh Beth....So. Much. More. Here's the list for today.
- ever noticed, as they drove into town, that their minivan always smells like stale McDonald's...no matter how many air fresheners they use.
- Secretly believed that Heaven must smell like the Aveda Salon where she gets her hair cut.
- drove 45 mph the whole way home...just to extend her alone time.
- asked her husband, after grilling lunch, to quickly shut the garage door because it was embarrassingly full of junk.
- let her children eat a whole box of fruit snacks while she unloaded groceries.
- decided that if she ever came into a large sum of money...she would of course give lots to others...but keep enough to have someone else buy her groceries and cook her food.
- wore her favorite cardigan sweater (that has yellow in it) for the third day in a row.
- took pictures *herself* of her new hair cut. HA!
- was always in the middle of reading 3 different books, all at the same time, and knew God was speaking to her through each of them.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I never really wanted to be a pastor's wife...seemed like a pain in the butt to me :) I also thought it must be a pretty lonely profession...after all, who can really be themselves around the pastor and his wife!?! Seriously! And, I was positive that as the wife, if I were myself...I'd probably scare them all away! And then...God proved me wrong (which He always does.) He totally went above and beyond what I ever could have imagined. Instead of the loneliness I had anticipated, God has surrounded me with friends. Not just women who are nice to me, but genuine friends. There are no pretenses in this group...no pretending. We are who we are. Each of us are at a unique place in our walk with God...and He uses that to help us learn from one another. I am one of them. Not the pastor's wife. Just Sarah. I don't want to take for granted, this amazing blessing in my life. So...guess what I've learned...being a pastor's wife really isn't a pain in the butt...and, you really can be just yourself around your pastor and his wife! WHO KNEW!?!?
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
- On to the point....I've been in the blogging world for about a month now, and there are still several things that mystify me! (Those of you who read, but don't blog, trust me when I tell you...you are not going to care about anything else in this post :) I like a good mystery. And most of the time, I really like not understanding some stuff....just being in awe of the magic of it. Like telephones! and TV! and Electricity! No matter how many times its explained to me...I just go back to the good ol standby...magic. There are some blogging mysteries, however, that are driving me nuts! Here goes...
- Site Meter: the timing and days is all off...A.M. is P.M. and by midday it's a day ahead...so confusing. I have no idea how to change it.
- Site Meter: Sometimes, it shows a persons visit length as 0.00. How does that happen? Do they click on my site, and then are so repulsed immediately that they have to leave before even staying a millisecond?!?
- I have a scanner, but I have no idea how to upload photos to my blog unless they are digital...I am in constant awe of those of you who post anything predating digital cameras!
- Which web pictures are really free?!? How do I know they're not copyrighted? I don't' want to steal! I'm a pastor's wife, the last thing I need it to be stealing pics for my blog :) HA!
- I also have no idea how people change the size and formats of their blog. I mean the fancy kind! Here's me...with my generic blog layout...all because I have no idea how to change it (other than what blogger offers:)
- How so few people leave comments...compared with the number of readers. I mean, I get it, but still a little mystified.
So, my more experienced blogger friends, help me if you can :) I also should warn you that I need very detailed instructions, or I'll never get it :)
Monday, March 17, 2008
Have you ever had a moment...when you realized that there will always be a 15 year old girl living inside of you? I did...today. I think I've known it for awhile...but today, it all came flashing back to me...so, here's the reasons I know that girl still resides in me.
- Before any event, I always call a friend to see what she's wearing!
- I still love borrowing/lending clothes! It makes me giddy as a school girl! Better than shopping!
- When shopping with my friend, Jenni, on Saturday, I actually said "I think I smell" and of course, being a good friend, she leaned in, sniffed me, and reassured me that I in fact did not smell.
- When I get a big zit...I actually think of ways to avoid leaving the house or try to avoid face to face contact with anyone I remotely know.
- Secretly hope that I will not run into ANYONE I know while running errands on a day that I thought it was too much work to shower :)
- When going out, I still try on 10 different outfits before finally settling on something.
- In the past week I have said "I will if you will" and "I dare you"
- Still sometimes feel like I'm on the outside looking in...or like a 3rd wheel.
- Sometimes wish my best friend could work as the middle-man again, and "break-up" with people for me! HA!
See, I told ya...she's still living in there! Who knew?!?
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Sometime this winter...probably January, I fell hard for the color yellow. Generally, I've never been a huge fan of yellow...until this winter. Now, I can't get enough of this sunny, happy color! It seriously brightens my mood...so now, you can find yellow flowers, dishcloths, shirts, a jacket and even a pair of yellow ballet flats at my house. I'm also waiting till my husband has a week of vacation so I can paint the home office a lovely shade of creamy, buttery, yellow (from which I found in the Pottery Barn catalog!) I do have a tendency to overkill stuff a bit...we'll just call that a cute little "quirk" about me, rather than the really annoying quality that it is :)
This weekend I was in a little shop, and happened to find the CUTEST plastic plates for the kids to eat off of! They were a lovely shade of yellow, with stripes and polka dots. So. Stinking. Cute. Images of summertime and lemonade and burgers on the grill all flashed though my mind (yep, all inspired by the yellow plates) It was pretty much love at first sight....until, for some weird reason...I turned the plate over...and read, "not safe for dishwashers or microwaves." WHAT?!?! I think I may have shed a little tear. Who does that?!? Who makes plates that cannot go in EITHER the dishwasher or microwave!!! Isn't that the sole purpose of a plate? For a second, I tried to justify them...I can wash them by hand....I don't really use the microwave that much. Yeah. Right. I had to put the cute little plates back. At our house, 98% of plates at every meal involve both the dishwasher and microwave. Sometimes, you just have to let go of the ones you love...goodbye little plates...hopefully I can find a new love soon, ones that enjoy the microwave and the dishwasher!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
- Looking back through these pictures made me take a look at my family in a new way...take it for what it is...the good, the bad...and the crazy silliness! Its also reminded me that I need to look at myself in the same way...not through a filtered lens of who I think I am, or say I am...but by what my actions reveal I am. Sometimes we think our everyday actions match our beliefs...but they don't. I know that apart from Jesus, I can do nothing. I know that I want to live my life, day in and day out, with Him in first place. Because my husband, children, family, friends, church, and strangers don't care what I say I believe...what I truly believe is revealed in my priorities. Ouch. If I want my boys to grow up and love the Lord with all that they are, I need to be showing them how real Jesus is...not just telling them. It's so much more about what they witness me doing , and so much less about what they hear from me. Here's what I'm asking God to help me to do...
- show by example, a love for people that are hard to love.
- make my priorities match my beliefs.
- remember the reasons why we go to church. We need the encouragement and support of other believers, we need their prayers and accountability, to worship Him together, to outwardly show He is a priority...and they need the same thing from us. We don't go...for show, to be entertained, to judge, out of habit or to win favor with God or people. We go, because Jesus established the church before He left...He knew it was important, that we needed it...and that is reason enough.
- help me to be in His Word, and in prayer, so that I can hear His still, small voice above all the other junk and voices. It's through that, that I gain the wisdom and discernment I need.
- to help me not to rely on myself or past victories to sustain me. They're not meant for that. I can look back on them and praise Him for what He did, but those victories do not give me the strength and mercy I need for today...only time with him today, does that.
Lamentations 3:23 Great is his faithfulness; his loving-kindness begins afresh each day.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Our little church celebrated its 150th birthday last summer. The parsonage (or, our home, as I like to call it :) is around 100 years old. (That's a guesstimate...I'm too lazy to walk 27 steps to the church to actually look up the exact age...bear with me, I did go running this morning!) Generally, all of those husbands and families that have ministered here, have lived in this house. Of course, there have been many updates through the years...but still! I'm not quite sure why this fascinates me so much...but it does. I love this house...not only because I think its adorable, but I feel a sense of peace knowing that others, who've gone before us in ministry, have lived their lives within these walls. I also love to find the humor in it as well :) It's a little "bit" I like to call, "Do you think other pastor's wives who've lived here...fill in the blank." Usually, no one else finds this as amusing as me...but if you've invested this much time reading so far, you may as well finish ;) Here's my list for today...
Do you think the other pastor's wives that have lived here....
- fed her kids turkey sandwiches for breakfast?
- drank a pot of coffee every morning?
- blogged? HA!
- put their treadmill in their husbands home office?
- had their children splash so much water out of the bathtub that it ran down through the bathroom floor (upstairs) and through the ceiling and out the light fixture in the kitchen?
- loaded her kids in the mini-van and drove around, just so they would be strapped in and stay in one place?!?
- busted a move to Tobymac's Boomin', while hoping that no one could actually see in the windows (good thing my wonderful neighbor already knows how weird I am:)
- bought 2 gallons of ice cream and a box of monster cookie, cookie dough from the Schwans guy...and then ate 8 cookies?!?
- did not enjoy cooking...wished she could have take-out for every meal?
- shoved so much junk in the attic (because it was too cold to actually go in) that now I can't even get in there?
- fed her family a rotation of frozen pizza, mac&cheese, and cheese quesadillas?
- wore red patent leather shoes?
- stood in awe of the fact that God had graciously placed them in a wonderful little town, with amazing people, in order that she may love on 'em and show with her life the amazing difference that Jesus made. ...I can only hope so :)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Here is my randomness for Tuesday...in bullet-list form.
- A friend of mine sent me an email with this website www.FamilyWatchDog.us it shows registered sex offenders with detailed info, check it out...my poor children will probably never be allowed to go to anybodies house unless I first do a background check!
- Conferences are tonight...why do I still feel nervous, like I did when the conferences were for me!?!
- This morning I came across this verse, "I don't want your sacrifices - I want your love; I don't want your offerings - I want you to know me." Hosea 6:6. *sigh* It made me cry immediately...need to ponder that one today.
- Bought Jake a Dora seat that sits on the toilet...he sat on it this morning! I do not enjoy potty training...mostly because I am bad at training myself...not very good at the whole consistency thing.
- I ate peanuts and a pot of coffee for breakfast :)
- Should be able to think of something more interesting...maybe I need another pot of coffee...
- I wish all my blog world friends could come over and hang out...enjoy some coffee and donuts...lots and lots of donuts...while I'm wishing, I wish donuts were fat free, carb free and calorie free!
Monday, March 10, 2008
Last night, Jake, my two year old, came up to me and announced, "Odie need baph...him 'tinks!" You know the dog must stink. After all, Jake can have poopy pants that can be smelled from across town...yet when I ask him if he needs a new diaper he always says, "no, I cwean!"
If only they made Febreze for dogs. Our dog has needed a bath for quite some time...I usually put it off about 2 weeks past when he really needed it. It's not that giving him a bath is so bad...it's that the only thing that smells worse than a stinky dog, is a clean, wet, dog!! I even blow dry him as best I can, but until he's fully dry...bleh! So, both Odie and Jake got baths last night...not at the same time...although the boys couldn't see why that would be a problem...a little flea shampoo probably wouldn't hurt :)
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Ben and I ended up going on a date that Saturday night...he picked me up and handed me invitation cards to where we would be going that night (at this point, I'm still pouting a little...so mature.) Our first stop was a state park that we had gone to a lot to grill out and walk on trails. I thought it was a little weird, because it was March, and not exactly the ideal time to go for a stroll. A ways down the path, he stopped and got on his knee and opened a little white leather box. Shock. I think I shouted something like "are you kidding me!?!" The timing was completely unexpected...and I saw the past few days flash before my eyes, and then I felt like an IDIOT! He couldn't take me home for the weekend, because he was ring shopping! Needless to say, on Sunday, before heading back to school, I remember feeling pretty sheepish when I showed Shell my engagement ring :)
In June, we will celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. Each year I am more amazed by the man that he is. He is my best friend. His selflessness and love embody who he is. I have yet to meet someone he couldn't get along with! Which probably explains his ability to love me :) Ben, I hope you know how much I adore you...and I (and our future daughter-in-laws) will be so blessed if each of our boys grow up to be just like you. Thank you for always striving to be more like Christ, I know He's the reason you are who you are.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I will admit, that as I go about my day, there are times, that I stop and look at our dog, nestled up on the couch, and wish I could switch places with him for just a few hours. I really could use a nap. Yesterday I wished I could switch places with my husband, as he went off to work (he has a full time job along with being a pastor...another post:) because I didn't want to be home for another snow day! I spoke with people I love, who are in really tough situations. For some of them, I have walked through similar circumstances, and know the pain, for some I can only imagine. I wished I could switch places with them, just for awhile, to give them a break. It's not how it works. But there is relief. They do not walk the journey alone, and neither do I. I am certain, that in my own life, there have been times that Jesus actually stepped in and carried me though, because I needed that break. His Word says that he will never leave us, I know that to be true. Walking through life with Him, is far better than "switching." I am thankful for HIS strength, and mercy and grace. Without it, where would I be? So, although I really do need a nap, I am glad I am not a wiener dog named Odie :)
Monday, March 3, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
I'll admit it, before blogging myself, I didn't really get it. Why put yourself out there for everyone to see? Now I get it. To truly experience the blessings of community, you have to be willing to put yourself out there! In 13 days I have "met" extraordinary ladies, whose faith, honesty, and sense of humor have so encouraged me! Lindsay, (a new blogger friend,) in her post a bit of a change, made a statement that perfectly put into words what I was thinking, but couldn't put into words! She said, about the blog world, "It's a technological tool that makes journal writing interactive & "alive." That's exactly what it is for me! I get to write about my life and add pictures, and interact with all of you! Thanks for the fun!