Thursday, November 19, 2009

Let's Get Personal Part 1

Yesterday I received a question from a non-real life bloggy friend. She wondered if it was weird for her to ask a serious question to a person you've never actually met but feel like you know via bloggy world. And my answer, without a doubt is nope. Not weird at all. I love blog questions. Makes me feel like someone is actually listening to what I'm saying...which is a good portion of the reason I blog. Because in my real life, it can often feel like no one is paying attention. :)

Before I get to the question, I'm gonna put a disclaimer on this post. I hate disclaimers, they somehow seem like an apology for whatever is being said in order to not offend anyone in the slightest. But sometimes they are necessary...as with every other single thing ever written on this blog, this is just my personal story. I without a doubt, believe that God's plan for everyone's family size is completely different. And the journey He takes them on, and what He asks of them is each unique. There's no simple 3-step formula for everyone.

Finally...question - Did you know that you knew that you knew that you wanted another baby?

In Short: No.

The truth is, the closer I grow to Christ, the less confident I am in what I want. This drives me crazy, but it is actually a very, very good thing. There have been many things that I was certain I wanted at one time, only to completely change my mind later. And on the flip side, there were certain things I never wanted, that have turned out to have been the desire of my heart after all.

That sounds neat and tidy, doesn't it? I wish it were that simple. But the road to that conclusion was not easy...is not easy.

About a year and a half ago Ben and I began to struggle with what it meant, for us, to give control over to God regarding the size of our family. For quite awhile we'd had a peace about how we were going about things...and then...the feeling of unrest settled in. We weighed the options.

The problem, for me especially...because I have control-freak tendency, was that all the options made me feel like I was the one in control, when I really just wanted God to make the decision.

In my head, these were the options:
  • Decide if we are done having kids or not. If we are done, then someone should get fixed. When? Who? (Some finger pointing went on here ;)
  • Do we just go about our current method which was trying to prevent, while yet still leaving an option open for God to do what He wants?
  • Do we do nothing to prevent? There was a joke going around when Ben was in seminary, because everyone was having babies. What do you call a husband and wife who do not use birth control? Answer: Parents. And by my experience, that was TRUE. So, for me, not using anything meant trying...which meant I still felt like I was taking the decision into my own hands.
I begged God to JUST PICK AN OPTION and then let me know which one He'd like. I asked friends about their journey. Each story was unique and it helped to know that others were in the same struggle...whether they already had 1,2, or 10 kids.

Have I mentioned I don't like uncertainty? I want things decided. It wasn't until I surrendered to the fact that it wasn't going to be decided that the peace started to come. I had thought the lesson for me was to find out what option was best, when in reality the lesson was for Ben and I to surrender to uncertainty.

This was a hard lesson for me. And really, I'd like to leave the rest of the story and details out. Sharing parts of my life, and keeping it real come pretty easily for me. But, you may notice that often I talk in more general terms...leaving details out protects me and those around me. I can keep it real and still keep a sense of privacy. It works well for me. But I know on this topic, God has brought me on this journey for a reason, and I'm gonna share the rest of it with you...

Tomorrow. Because I've reached my self imposed blog length limit for the day.

Details. Because in this case, God is glorified in the details.

14 comments:

  1. I've been reading your blog for quite sometime and I don't think I've left a message before. Your post has come at an interesting time. I can't wait to read the second part of it. My husband and I have two boys (2 1/2 and 3 mos.) and are uncertain about having more. Do we stop or try for more? It's time to give this area to God...thank you for sharing your story!

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  2. I know! THIS is SUCH a confusing thing when you want it to be God's decision, but you wonder how much of your wisdom IS from God and so on and so forth. Lots of praying and trusting, I say! :) Thanks for sharing! :)

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  3. I'm VERY interested in what you have to say. My husband and I have been talking about the family planning issue for quite some time -- how does it mesh (or not mesh) with our belief in God's sovereignty and our ability to trust HIM to be in control...not us? Still wrestling with it. I'll be tuned in for part 2 :)

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  4. Wow! I am also looking forward to part 2....obviously our family so far hasn't exactly been 'planned' by us, but plaaned FOR us.....but we've also reached the 'socially accepted' kid maximum in our family in near record time. But I can't quite seem to commit to the idea that we're done.
    So our wrestling has been with stewardship and God's sovreignty. Definitely looking forward to tomorrows post :)

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  5. I read your blog, but I have never commented. I loved this post and have had similiar conversations about family size in my house. I am a new mom to twin baby girls and I have a 6 year old son and a 8 year old daughter. Thanks for your honest and funny posts you brighten my day. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Looking forward to tomorrows post

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  6. ok, i'm chiming in too! these ladies all are speaking what i am feeling...confusion at what is right for our family at this point! i have always wanted more, but the last year have felt ok without, until the last couple of months...it is just selfish me taking over, or is this the Lord giving me peace about our stewardship? tough questions!! can't wait for part 2! thank you for stretching your comfort zone in this area, obviously it's needed :)

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  7. Even as an infertile adoptive mom I'm interested in reading part 2. I love to know how people figure all this out.

    When we were told what our options were, after we were unsuccessful getting pregnant, we had no problem walking away from fertility docs and going the adoption route. If we ever get prego great, but if not, that's great to.

    The thing we pray for wisdom about is the financial part of adoption. We know we feel that we will adopt one more time, and feel a great peace about that.... but then we would still like more children... but also like the thought of retirement one day. Wisdom and balance... Wisdom and balance... Praying that we will feel a peace about this after the next adoption.

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  8. I'm so glad you're writing about this. I'm in that place of indecision right now.

    We have 3 kids... our family pod is working. Having more makes getting away more difficult. I hate being pregnant. And the cons go on... but is that enough reason to say no? I don't know. At this point, we'd have to have a baby "on purpose" and that really really really terrifies me -- if you're wondering what that means, email me. :)

    I'm just glad you're talking about it... so thanks for the details. :)

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  9. YEPPPPP! Can't wait to here the details tomorrow. Not because I'm nosy, but I am so THERE right now. Love your joke: What do you call a husband and wife who do not use birth control? Answer: Parents.
    That was us too. We are currently in the "prevention" stage, but NOT on the pill. I would have to change medication before we could CONSIDER getting pregnant AND my husband who is slightly over 40 contend he is done. (Now how in control does THAT sound.) I keep feeling my family is not complete. and I ask people with 3 or more ALL THE TIME, How did you know you wanted or were ready for more? What about the cost? blah blah blah...It is SO hard. (Plus we have inlaws that have had a tough go at it, so I feel like maybe we shouldn't add salt to the wound by having a third...)
    I wish it was tomorrow already!!!
    PS Thank you for sharing this Sarah.

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  10. this is always such a toughie. cause we have too much say in it.. :)
    all i know.. is that i can't wait to see the little one that God is creating!!!!

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  11. After giving birth to my first child, I decided that one was enough. God blessed us (meaning God gave us a baby in spite of using birth control) with baby #2, 11 months after baby #1. If God wants you to have another baby, He will make it happen. There is nothing in this present world that can stop Him :}

    For my sanity, I'm thankful that God said two were enough for us ;}

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  12. I recognize my Sister in the post from Jeanette - in fact, it is my sister!!! I cannot imagine living life without my two nieces!!! I am so glad they were part of God's plan.

    Hubs and I had one child by birth and wanted more children . . . we now have five! We feel that we are "done and at our limit" however, in no way are we telling God that we won't take anymore children to adopt. After child two we thought our family was complete - then God sent us three more little guys. Never Limit God - and never tell God I'm done. - we learned.

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  13. I cannot WAIT for part 2!!!! I have a feeling it will be worth waiting for.

    #4 is on the way in our family and it's been a mix of emotions for me. However, I know it is what God had planned and somehow it will all be ok.:)

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  14. It's pretty obvious that so many of us are in the same boat here! With my newly strengthened relationship with God, this is definitely something I've been thinking about. Can't wait to hear the rest of your story, Sarah :)

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