Friday, August 13, 2010

Sometimes...

Sometimes I start a post five different times because what I thought I wanted to write about ends up sounding dumb.  Or boring.  Or both.  

Today is one of those days.

Sometimes they get too wordy, and I lose my train of thought along the way.  Hate when that happens.  Sometimes, what God is teaching me is so personal and gut wrenching to me, that my limited vocabulary and writing skills (laziness) do it no justice and so I choose silence.

I'm a "so you get the gist of it" kinda blogger.  Not big on details.  Or grammar *cough*  So, in true Sarah form, here's my life:  The Gist it anyways.

In a few short weeks, we will have been in tiny town for five years.  It's got us reflecting on our time here thus far.  Five years ago we came into full time ministry with so much excitement.  We hadn't a clue what we were doing, and we knew it.  Calling on God for His wisdom and assistance was simple.  Without a doubt we needed His help.

And then somehow, as it always seems to happen in my life, I settled in.  Familiarized myself with this ministry thing.  With the community.  With routine.  And called it good.

Turns out, as it always does, that my standard of good is not even close to what God has planned.  Why do I so easily settle for my pathetic version of good?   Oh, the list of reasons is quite long...I'll spare you.

At a friends recommendation, I picked up a book recently.  It took just a few pages before that feeling of "oh this book is talking directly to me" hit.    For some reason, somewhere in the process of "settling in" I also unconsciously decide that I can handle things on my own.  The "I got this!" attitude.  Without even realizing it, I had viewed ministry as a job like any other.  You know,  the experienced worker trains the newbie and before long, the newbie is no longer an idiot and can actually do the job on their own.  Simple.  Except...in ministry, without God, I'll always always always be  the idiot.  

When your husband is a pastor, it is not his job.  It is your life.

I don't mean that negatively.  I mean that ministering to people is a way of life.  No clocking in and clocking out.  You're always on.  Pretty much like parenting.   And, it really is a good thing.  It's what God has called Ben and I to.  Together.  It is a privilege.  And a burden.  It's not something that very many people understand, I'm not sure I understand it yet myself.  What I do know, is that I need the Holy Spirit's leading and empowering to accomplish what He has planned.  

On my own, I have nothing to offer. I take that back, I do.... such things as apathy, annoyance, criticism, attitude, unforgiveness, harshness, loathing.  I could go on.  And on.  It's not pretty.  And it accomplishes nothing for Christ.  

At the end of the day, I want to be able to look back and see what God accomplished through me for that day.  That's where I'm at.  One day at a time.  

I wanna leave you with this quote:

It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are.  But it's absolutely vital to grasp that He didn't call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace.  His purposes are not random or arbitrary.  If you are still alive on this planet, it's because He has something for you to do.  He placed us on this earth for purposes that He orchestrated long before we were born (Eph. 2:8-10).  Do you believe you exist not for your own pleasure but to help people know the love of Jesus and to come fully alive in Him?  If so, then that will shape how you live your life in the place where you are.

                   Francis Chan, Forgotten God

I want God to be shaping how I live each day...it's certain to look much different than my version.



15 comments:

  1. WOW! That's a powerful quote. Sure puts a spotlight on my life. I'll be doing some examining over the weekend. Thanks so much for sharing this. Blessings, SusanD

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  2. Oh! VERY good post! :) Thanks for this~it hit home!

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  3. Heth told me about that book, too. I suppose I'll have to get it now...sigh. :-)

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  4. Your post really hit me today. My husband started working part-time at church over 8 years ago. He is now working full time (plus) as bldg & grounds superintendent but also has a couple of ministries he oversees. This is a journey I never thought I'd find our lives on, its been a crazy journey but its exciting to see where God is taking us.
    I've been trying for quite some time now to put my finger on a phrase to describe his job. When you said its not just a job, its our life, that was such a lightbulb moment.
    Thank you for your words today. You've blessed me more than you know!

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  5. I always appreciate how real you are through your blog. From one ministry wife to another..You Rock. Thanks for sharing.

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  6. Just found your blog. It's very nice. Come check out mine sometime if you could. Cheers!

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  7. Wow. Amazing quote. Leaves me with a lot to think about.
    -FringeGirl

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  8. Oh, man. I want to read that book so bad, but I'm stuck with the new Beth Moore for a Bible study. "Crazy Love" literally changed my life. Shoot. I can only read so many books at a time, like 4 right now.

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  9. I just ran across your blog while blog hopping and I'm so thrilled that I did. I am a minister's daughter (my Dad's retired now, he's 81) and I hold a pastor's wife in the highest esteem. It is not a job for "sissies." My Mom was always such a support to my Dad throughout his ministry and it was not always easy living in a "fish bowl" but she did so honorably, always giving God the glory. Richest of blessings to you as you go forth in your role of minister's wife. May you always feel honored to serve in such a capacity. Your entry today was powerful. Francis Chen is awesome!

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  10. Wow... I just found your blog a little over a month ago. I haven't commented before but this post hit home. My husband is also a pastor, and we are also coming up on 5 years in ministry. I never thought of it this way, but you are so right that full-time ministry is like parenting. You are always on. Even when you are "off" (like bedtime in parenting), you aren't really. It is a life, and not a job.

    I'm doing the exact same thing as you are. Settling in. Getting comfortable. Not feeling like such an idiot anymore (though still somewhat! lol). Thank you so much for that quote. We still have much to do as evidenced by me breathing here. Thanks for writing such a heartfelt post!

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  11. Looking forward to the next 5 years! Also looking forward to "Forgotten God", even though I know it will force hard change. Thankful for God's continued faithfulness in drawing us into His perfect plans!

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  12. Great thoughts and so true. I am a pastor's wife too! I enjoy reading your post. Was the book you picked up "Forgotten God" or did I miss something?

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  13. Thanks for your post. My husband is a pastor and we've been at his first call for three years, with small kids I think sometimes its just easier for me to not think about the outside world and ministry but I really need to get out there and spread the good news. My daughter is a little evangelist, she wants to put a bumper sticker on the car on Sundays that says, "follow me to church" so everyone can come and hear about Jesus. I'll have to check out that book you mentioned too, it's time for a wake-up call.

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  14. You guys need to
    check out this on FIRE Christian Real Estate Entrepreneur Franklin Cruz I was reading a post on www.FranklinCruz.com and this guy is powerful. They call him the Real Estate Drill Sergeant. I know kind of weird, but he is a real Iraqi War Vet and a Successful Real Estate Investor/ Entrepreneur. Anyway, I just want to tell you guys about a Expert not NO SCAM ARTIST GURU. Again, check it out for yourself www.reDrillSergeant.com . And I heard him Preach in Orlando and WOW!!! Stay Blessed...

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