This time last year I was either throwing up, or laying on the couch feeling like throwing up. Little Lucy was the cause of those good times.
And maybe you remember (because I beat it like a dead horse) that I had trained that summer to run a little half-marathon and then couldn't because the barfing made me dehydrated like 2 days before the race. I was so bummed.
Funny how things change in a year.
This time last year she was a little person that consisted of a clump of cells, and now she is this:
This time last year I was ready to run a half-marathon. This year, I ran that race...but in a relay. My leg of it was a whole 3 miles. It hurt. I'm not a racer...I like to run at a leisurely pace. The desire to run further is gone. The desire to run at all is dwindling. I'm trying to make myself like it again, but it's just not happening. Wishing my feelings would catch up to my actions.
So much changes in a year. Some for the better. Some not. I find that I'm sort of trying to figure out where I fit and where stuff fits. Prioritizing. Trying to fit back into my "pre-baby-girl" life is just not working how I thought it would. Kinda like my jeans. They technically fit, but just don't feel quite the same.
I wouldn't change a thing. Lucy has blessed our family beyond words. It's like she's always been a part of us, or at least was always meant to be a part of us. I look in the mirror and I see a different person than I saw a year ago. And I like her, but I'm also getting to know her to. She's different.
- I'm a mother of 4.
- I'm no longer the mama of boys, but the mama of "the boys & Lucy"
- I've been the youngest in my group of friends in tiny town, but our kids were all similar ages...now I have a baby, and the dynamics change.
- Running has now become a group activity. I used to like it and my friends didn't. Now, they're all into it and I'm, well...not.
- I've even decided to grow my hair out for awhile. I KNOW!
It's interesting how changes in life, physical or emotional change who we are. Part of me misses my old self. And part of me is looking forward to getting to know the new one better. Part of me just wants everything to return to the "normal" I knew, and part is looking forward to the possibilities ahead. The one thing I can't escape...is that it means change. I am not the Sarah I was a year ago. Sure, a lot of me is, but a lot of me is not. It means changes in my real life, and likely changes in blog life.
I'm done trying to fit back in. I'm ready for the new. Ready to be open to the possibilities God has in store for me. Bring it.