I've been hiding from the blog. But one can only hide for so long. I've been avoiding the blog because I've gone quiet. That's what I do when I'm grieving, or coming up against something hard in my life. Some people are able to muster their thoughts into deep, moving posts which help them work through whatever is facing them. But for me, words fail me. Writing about it doesn't make me feel better. I wish it did, but it doesn't.
I go quiet in real life too. I need time to think. To feel. To process...without everyones thoughts and input and words. I can't hear God when everyone else is talking to me...and so, for a time, I just sit at His feet...because He's the only one that understands me.
My last post was December 31st. At the time I wrote it, I didn't know that I would be spending New Years Eve with good friends...at a Hospice Home. Laughing, and crying, not knowing what to say, or what to do. Much has changed since December 31st.
God called Tate home to Heaven on January 3rd. My tears and hurt are not for Tate, because I know where he is, running around in that perfect new body that, here on earth, didn't cooperate with him.
I hurt for my son, who lost one of his best buddies. I hurt for my friend, who buried her son. I hurt for their family...because going on with life without Tate seems nearly impossible. My heart aches for them.
A new perspective has formed. Tragedy does that. It's a crash course in perspective. What I once would have seen as problems, both in my own life, and in others, now seem...well, sort of ridiculous.
I no longer am going to live my daily life wallowing in meaningless problems either my own or those around me. What a waste. Maybe that's not the best thing for a pastors wife to say...after all, we're supposed to sympathize with everyone, right? Or not. Maybe all the sympathizing is the wrong thing. Maybe sometimes, they need a good dose of reality as well. Maybe, like me, they need to be reminded to Get Over Themselves. That life is not about me. It's about what God wants to do through me...which is far greater that meaningless annoyances.
Let's grieve with those who truly need to grieve. Let's hurt with those who hurt. But let's also tell each other when we're being ridiculous.
My filter is gone, eh? ;)